Josh's Mum threw the perfect party. I loved it. In the end I decided to wear hardly any make up and just have my hair straight, to tone down the dress a little bit. And it seemed to work; Josh couldn't keep his eyes off of me. There were scores of girls there, and I was the only one he looked at.

Which is why I'm so stupid for cooling things off and telling him that we can't get back to how we were. I feel awful; the look on his face made me feel even more awful, and I felt even even more awful because I knew the effort he was going to to try and make things better. But I just can't do it - I look at him and after five seconds of smiling to myself and thinking 'that gorgeous guy can be mine' i suddenly stop and think 'no, he's Summer's, and he's always going to be.' Every time she wants him, she may be able to have him, and I can't live with that.

Everything was so perfect as well. Josh looked uber delish in a white shirt and dark jeans, with his trademark converse on. I liked the way he looked at me; I liked the way his hand fell naturally on the bottom of my back as he introduced me to everyone as 'Lilly', and I love the way he went to the effort to introduce me. I love the way I caught him grinning at his Mum when he thought I wasn't looking, and I loved the way he pulled me onto his lap when we were sat in the corner by ourselves, laced his fingers through mine and openly started a kissing session in front of anyone who was looking. I loved the way he hobbled around trying to look macho. And most of all I loved the taste of his kiss, and his squidgy lips, and how they felt on mine.

This is stupid.

But I just can't do it.

I'm Lilly, I'm 20 from Leicester. I'm just about to go into my second year studying English at Sheffield Hallam and I'm loving every minute of it.

I love my friends, my family, and a Starbucks white mocha with cream. Welcome to my world!










September 2008
October 2008


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